The Struggle

I am struggling with money... And I am definitely ashamed to say it. I'm frustrated with myself because as much as I am trying to save my money and manage it, my bills pile up... because of fees, and things that are being automatically charged like my payment protector. I'm so fucking confused and stressed and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm not getting payed enough for the stuff I do at work or even enough hours...

I have three credit card bills to pay. And then there's my Verizon bill.

I am under stress. I can't sleep at night anymore...

Hopefully I get this other job... no more playing around. I gotta fucking grow up. Part of me already has... but yeah. I really need to work harder... I've also been fucking around in school.

Okay. This is something else I need to get through... but I need help. I admit it. I need help...

So sit back I'm about to explode...

I have to say, I've never felt so inspired... NATIONAL PRODUCT is the reason. They have given me new hope, a new spirit, and a new faith in myself that I have never even seen before. I just want to sit and write, and even though other thoughts may falter the inspiration, it never ceases to come back. I just want to share my passion with the world. I may not be the best, but I read somewhere (written by the guys of NP) that it isn't about being the best and it's not a race or a competition... It's about doing what you love and wanting to share that with others. That's what it has always been since the beginning for me. That's what I thought back in 7th grade when I started writing songs or maybe earlier when I would sing random things I made up to my parents while driving home from somewhere...

Jeff (one of the guys in the band) told me something that really inspired me as well. I asked him how it felt to finally get out there and share his music with the world and he was telling me how amazing it felt. That got me so excited, but I told him I had a small dilemma. A lot of people say when they hear me, they hear an R&B-Soulful feel, but when I write... it's poetic, "emo", or rock--whatever you wanna call it. I didn't know what to do. And you know what he said? "The best thing about music is that it has no limits. You can blend different styles of music and make it your own. That's what it's all about." I think there was more, but I just felt a rush and knew. I knew that he was right. I can't let something as SILLY as that get in my way of what I want to do... I may not be famous or whatever, but that doesn't matter. I just want to be the inspiration for people one day. Whatever I do... I want to keep singing.