It's not like that.

I think you might have expected me to wait. But for how long? A girl wants to know that she's loved and will be taken care of. When I saw you, for once... I finally felt nothing. I didn't feel tingly inside like I used to. I didn't feel nervous. I still care about you, but as a friend. I know what you're going through--well, just with what you've told me. So you should know that you always have me here to help you out. I can't be your back up plan or whatever. You weren't the only one afraid...

With You

I am not the type of girl who would up and leave.
I am not the one who would cheat on you.
I am not the one who will hurt you intentionally.
I am faithful, willing, able, loving...
and I know this.
Because it's something most guys take for granted.
There is only one part of me I cannot give, and for a good reason.

I am actually coming out to say it... kind of...

I like you. And I know if you ever found out, you'd think it was stupid. But you can't help who you have feelings for. You are different. Not the type I usually go for... Sucks that you are leaving. But I would still be here... friend or more than. I'm here, ok?

I hope you never see this.

My heart on loneliness.

Damn. That's the only work I can think of to describe the way I feel. It isn't a good "damn" not is it a bad one... I just can't explain it.

I feel so lonely inside. Like, my heart wants to explode because it contains all this love with no one to share it with. I want to be with the person God destined me to be with so that I can just share all of what I am keeping within. I feel so stupid... seems like I'm waiting around, but I'm not. Not intentionally, at least. I just want to share my heart with someone who won't fuck me up like all the others have.

That's not a lot to ask for. What the hell am I doing here?

Fuck Vulnerability

I hate being walked on. I hate being so damn nice. I hate doing things for others and thinking about them before myself. It's time for a change. Call me selfish, but if you got hurt all the damn time like I have, you'd understand.

I'm not fighting for no one anymore. I'm fighting for myself. For the protection of my own heart. I'm sick of hurting all the damn time and wishing for something that isn't coming my way.

Don't say things to me to get me to trust you just so you can fuck me over like everyone else. Say it. Mean it. Do something about it.

In this world, it seems as if you can't trust anyone. Not even yourself.