Wake Up

This is reality. I can't keep my head in the world I've created for myself. The world of perfection. The world without pain. And guess what? I definitely asked for it. I see it clearly. This seems so perfect, I wonder when the hurt will come in? Why did I so stupidly ask for it. I'm not angry, I'm amused with the way God works. I love God so much that I just know I need to trust Him and not worry the way I do. I'm already blessed with so much so I should just continue to know and realize what is good in my life. I'm serving, for one. And I love it so much.

I had a great talk with a good friend. I feel relieved because I've been wanting to speak with her for so long. And I'm glad she felt exactly the same.

Also, I had a great talk with Jesus during adoration. He spoke to me while I read the meditation during Life Teen's session. I was thinking, how ironic that I need to read THIS one out of the three that were read. I almost cried while reading because He was talking to me while I was speaking for Him.

"You're free", says Angela when I hugged her after I was done with my adoration. She says it because she was wondering why I was crying and I had a hard time explaining the reason. And I agree. I am free. I am most definitely free.

No person can hold me back from loving my God will all my heart. He is the only one who deserves it anyway. Any other person who wants in really needs to work. Because I am done proving myself. Although I may not have been trying... I am done proving myself to others. The only one that I need to be something for is God.

The friend that I had a great talk with deserves great thanks. Thank you for caring about me this whole time. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for telling me that it's okay to love and be hurt; because that's part of it all. That's the risk I have to take sometimes. It sucks, but it still happens... now do I sit around and wait, or do I leave?

That's something I'm discerning with God.

If you want something, work for it and work HARD for it. But only work as hard as you feel that it is worth giving time for. Make sense?

I think I gave enough... I think I gave too much...

But what I have learned... it's never a bad thing to love. To wake up and know that you love someone... and to know they still love you...