Upset? On Christmas? Must I really do this? Yes. Because no one else will hear me... no one else needs to bear this with me. My emotional rollercoaster of confusion, frustration... emptiness. I'm not filling myself with God enough times in a day to really be strong enough for this. I was upset with myself and my relationship with Him last night. I cried. I don't like the way I get... but honestly, I'm not even a step up of any of them. What I'm called doesn't fit. Man, I really want some time for myself. I don't get any quiet here at home... yet it's upsetting to want to be alone on Christmas. I got invited to join families, but I refused the invitation to spend it with my own. Only to find out they did everything on Christmas eve, when they KNEW I was working. They had dinner together... they saw the lights... I HATE WORKING. I HATE THAT I MISSED IT. And now I don't want to be here. Crying like a baby. No one could make me feel better. No one knows how to show they care. At least, not the people I expect it from MOST. What kind of Christmas is this? How can I show that I know how to love when the people who SAY they love me don't know how to show it?
And I'm supposed to write a teaching on love...
I can't do this.
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