Growth

Am I completely open to letting God in? Most of the time, yes. But sometimes... I admit I don't want to change my ways. He keeps calling me to fight off the sinfulness of myself, but there are times when I'm like, "later".

Tonight, I felt a call. I pushed Him away again, and yet He said that He was not done with me and called me back. I was asked to attend reconciliation tonight, and I said no. I said no because I didn't feel ready to confess to my sins. I didn't want to change myself today. I was being selfish. It was too late when I realized I should have gone, so I decided just to drive. I wasn't ready to go home. As I was driving, something was telling me to drive into Pearl City and go to Our Lady of Good Counsel. I was thinking, "what could possibly be there? It's seven-thirty and everything is probably done anyway." But I just kept driving. When I got to there, mass was in service and I was late. I was a bit scared to go in, but I just went with it. They were just done singing the responsorial psalm when I got in so I was glad I wasn't too late. And then time went by and Father was giving this really really long homily (longer than Father Jim, might I add). I was wondering when it would end until... I decided to really listen. He was talking about the Gifts of the Spirit and growth and love... it was long and my restlessness wanted to leave but hello, it was mass, I knew I needed to stay. Something kept on tugging at me saying I shouldn't leave. Fast forward to giving peace... one person walked over to me from the front welcoming me with a hug and not too long after someone else walked over to me and hugged me as well... Except she didn't let go. And she whispered, "He wants you to know that He's so happy you're here and that He loves you and wants you to praise Him. So praise Him... just praise Him," and she kept holding me for a bit while saying that and I started to tear up. God really wanted me there... After mass was the renewal of our baptismal vows and annointing of the Holy Spirit... that's why He called me there. He wanted me to really open my heart to Him... again and again. Tears kept on falling from my eyes, but I couldn't help but smile.

I am loved. Even though I am a sinner. This was just the first step in the next part of my growth with God. I need to continue to remind myself to stay open to GOD and fight the temptation of evil... I am not perfect. I definitely struggle, but it's all a part of my journey. I am growing and continuously filling myself... this will never stop. God's love never stops.