what is it? I can't figure it out. It feels like something is missing... or like I'm always just waiting for something. I'm not quite sure what it is. My life is on repeat. I need something different. I want to get a way for a bit. My trip to Kauai will be perfect... that is, if i am able to go. If I get to go on that retreat... it would be awesome. If not, I still want to go. Hopefully for as long as I can. I need some time away. Alone would be good, but that's not gonna be possible if I stay with my friend... which I definitely don't mind because I miss her and her baby.
Sometimes I really do think about the military still because it would be great to gain my own independence and so I can just do things on my own. But then again, if I join, that means a lonely life. That's definitely not what I want, but compared to my life down here... I don't know. I can't really give up this current routine to live a life with more routine. The only change would be the scenery and people. I love the people here... I just... crave something more.
What am I waiting for, really? What is it? What is the something missing that I can't find? I'm getting more frustrated by the minute.
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