TRUST-- why don't I trust you?

I've been seeing and hearing that word so much lately. And every time I do, I hear that question that the teens were asked at the retreat, "why don't you trust me?" The thing is... it's not that I don't trust God, it's that I have a hard time trusting others.

The scripture that Landon and I used for our palanka to the teens was about trust. How could I not see that so evidently on Wednesday night? Why didn't I see how that word would come up so often from thereafter? Friday was pretty much a blur. No clear sign of that word appeared... it was Saturday morning. Even after the meeting we had when she discussed her session, it never stuck out to me... until now. Her session was on being empty and it posed that question above... During the teen's testimonies, a lot of them brought that question up as well. It was during that time I realized even more that I have a trust issue, but it's not necesarilly with God. I also realized the things I really don't like about myself... And then Sunday evening after it was all over, Alex and I had a very good talk... and that word was one of the biggest things.

The drive home was even more weird. I was listening to 95.5 The Fish and the DJ started to pray over the radio. He was praying that we may all be able to TRUST in God's plan and whatnot. And the next song was about trusting God... and that word just keeps following me everywhere.

I trust You, Lord. I get it. And I know now more than ever that trusting YOU doesn't mean only YOU, but it's those around me... I trust that they are all part of God's plan for me and even if they hurt me, it doesn't mean I shouldn't trust them... it's that those things are part of my growth in faith.

I do have a hard time trusting others. Yes, it's mostly because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I do know, however, that there are certain people I can trust with ceratin things, and I'm very greatful for that. Also, there is one person I've trusted with way too much that I think their cup is over flowing with parts of me. Ha. I'm not so scared of being vulnerable anymore... Like Anvie said, we shouldn't be scared of being vulnerable. I love God so very much, and I know that I'm just growing, not falling.

I think I have more, but it'll come later. I'm too tired right now.