Breaking Point

I should break right about now. I should be crying myself to sleep. I should give up and lose hope. I should do all these things, but I won't. Because I am a lot stronger than I think I am. And now that I look at the big picture, I'm not unhappy. I'm still so thankful for everything I have and everything I am going through. I'm not upset with my life. I'm just living every day and taking everything for what it is.

So what's the problem?

I'm building a wall. And it's growing at a constant rate. Although, I'm not too sure how strong this wall is, and what it's breaking point is. I could possibly let it fall before my eyes. Or turn away while it's at it's strongest. And I wonder, if I turn away... how will the person on the other end feel? I could never do that to someone. At least, I don't think I could.

Is this really a big problem?

No, it's not. Because no matter what the outcome of these events turn out to be... I know God has this ongoing and growing plan for me. I don't doubt that. I know that He wants me to keep living... and keep living for Him.

I've given Him my heart. I put all my trust in Him. So maybe this wall is kind of pointless... but then again, I'm not wrong for trying to protect myself from getting hurt.